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My fem name is Shannon Wade. I am transgendered and I live in western Texas. I am 45 years young and hope to one day live my life complete as a woman. I currently work as a maufacturer's rep. I am married to a wonderful lady who accepts me for what I am. We are parents to three children, whom I adore. My plans for the future include sex reassingment surgery and some cosmetic changes to my face and body. To those of you who are unfamiliar to this condition, I assure you it isn't contagious and it isn't a perversion, simply a life choice. I have been on this journey all my life, and I am closer now than ever in reaching my destination. God willing, all will work out in my planning and I shall one day have my mind and body in synch with the image and gender of my choosing. What some consider a curse, I have come to think of as a blessing. I have found that although I travel this road alone, I do cross paths with several thousands of others who are on their own treks. Some have reached the culmination of their journey, others like me are at various stages of the trip. We cross many bridges, and often burn them behind us. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the mind is the doorway. In my case, for 40 plus years that door was ajar...neither completely shut or completely open. Until I decide which way I wanted to go, either in or out, I knew it would remain thus. I can't say exactly when, I believe it was near my fortieth birthday that I made my decision to become female. Time was galloping by and if I wanted to this, I shouldn't waste anymore time. My wife and children (two by a previous marriage) were in the dark when I began experimenting with hormones on my own. I'd confessed to my wife before marriage that I was a TS (transsexual). She wasn't exactly sure what that was, but knew she loved me, and that we could work it out. "No", I said...telling her how difficult it had been in my first marriage, and how my wife then could not understand or accept my desires to be feminine. This time, I wanted and expected my wife to know ALL about me, and that I may someday want to consider SRS and feminization of my body. I expected her to bolt and run, but she stayed and we have had a great relationship. I know she'd prefer I didn't do this, but for the sake of my sanity and to give my soul a needed peace, she finally realized it was something I must do. When I told her about my use of hormones (which came as no surprise, seeing that after 6 months my nipples were as large as hers and growing), she asked me where i was getting them. I told her from a street source. This frightened her, and she feared for my health, demanding that if I must do this, to seek professional help. I did exactly that, and came away from therapy and an endocinologist with a female hormonal regimen which I have been on for 12 months. My body shape is altering, sort of a slow metamorphosis. I have a year or more before I reach the point to where I will begin RLT (real life test), living as a female. I admit my trepidation, and even if I seem to those who view me en fem, to be a woman...as of yet, I am not. My genitalia is to be surgically altered by a surgeon of my choice. It is an expensive process, and one in which I have planned and persisitently now for five years tried to achieve. My wife and I know that our relationship is in jeopardy, but that because I am not a man, will not mean we stop loving each other. Man and wife? No, not even now, but there are those who live together who are not two sexes either. Does this mean my wife is lesbian? Or am I ? The answer to that is open ended and too complex. I don't like to accuse her of being thus, but I would say I am, yet one other item to note is that we both are attracted to men. Virile , macho men , yet also those such as CD's also attract me. In this regard, I am bisexual, and I now that perhaps one day, she will tire of my femininty and seek affections in the arms of some man. If that's her choice, I shall not stand in her way. If anyone reading this thinks that TS's are fascinating, and that this complex condition is a curiousity, then I invite you to e-mail me your questions or comments. I am, I like to belive , somewhat bright and witty, and very familiar with the problems concerning such a drastic change as I propose. If you have prejudices and consider me an aberration, something to be eradicated from the planet...then go your way, and I'll go mine. I simply want to be left alone to live my life as I want to live it. I am not a pervert, nor a threat to society. My kind are all about you, and we are folks with dreams, ambitions, and hope for the future just as any of you do. We come in all ages, shapes , sizes, colors and from many countries and cultures, with one thing in common...to change our body to meet the image in our mind. To alter our gender to the opposite of our birth sex. Each of us makes our own way and somewhere along the way each of touches another in some way, and derives an encouragement, a helping hand, information to guide us or some other thing which we use to reach our goals. Our society is not as formally noticed as GAYS, feminists, AIDS activists, etc., yet we are out there. We do exist ! Homo Sapien? Yes ! Homosexuals? Not for the most part. We are all human, not some sub-species that walk on two legs, but only think with what's between our legs. This condition exists because of what's between our ears. It is a lifelong fascination with femininity and wanting desparately to BE female. No more! No LESS ! | ||
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